


The Angel's Hell

by Yrindor



Series: Kohinata's Secret [4]
Category: Prince of Stride: Alternative (Anime)
Genre: Crying, FTM Kohinata Hozumi, Forced Crossdressing, Gender Dysphoria, Hasekura Heath Feels Guilty, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mentioned Hasekura Diane, Trans Character, Trans Kohinata Hozumi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-13
Updated: 2016-02-13
Packaged: 2018-05-20 02:42:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,617
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5989261
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yrindor/pseuds/Yrindor
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kohinata has many reasons to not want pictures of him in a dress plastered on billboards all over the city.  Unfortunately, most of those reasons are the same reasons that stop him from saying anything about it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Angel's Hell

Kohinata was already less-than-thrilled at the prospect of modeling. Not that he had any prior experience in the area, but from what he understood, modeling involved a lot of having one's body poked, prodded, and scrutinized by a small army of people. Kohinata usually tried very hard to _avoid_ drawing attention to his body, so the whole ordeal already sounded like a nightmare before they even started.

The cow pajamas weren't bad - soft, and comfortable, and loose enough he didn't have to worry about anyone looking at him too closely. When Diane brought out his next outfit though, the nightmare turned into outright torture.

"But you have a real girl today! Let's take the real deal approach," he suggested, but to no avail. Diane only wanted him, arguing that he made an even more convincing innocent girl than Nana did. He couldn't say anything, but that was a punch in the gut to him. To hear that he was a more convincing girl than the actual girl on their team made him wonder yet again if he was deluding himself into ever thinking he could be accepted as a man.

And when he had finally resigned himself to that fate, Ayumu saluted him with a "goodbye, Kohinata the man." He knew it was meant as tongue-in-cheek humor, but it was the wrong words at the wrong time, and he found himself fighting tears as he was dragged off into the changing rooms where he got to play the cat-and-mouse game of claiming severe modesty to avoid having to change in front anyone, and crediting the dress's design for the slight curve of his chest once he was wearing it. He had tried to keep his binder on, but no matter how much he wriggled around and rearranged, something ended up sticking out. As awful as it felt to not be wearing it, and to feel soft curves where he wasn't supposed to have them, it still wasn't as bad as the alternative.

He forced himself through the rest of the photo shoot, feeling less like the lovestruck angel Diane seemed fixated on and more like an angel fallen into hell. The one bright point of the day was getting to see Heath-kun model. Heath-kun was attractive enough no matter what, but when he played it up for the modeling shoot, it was enough to make Kohinata's heart start racing in his chest. He was certain anyone nearby could hear it, or notice the flush that rose on his cheeks every time he looked at Heath-kun posing for the cameras. Luckily, their relationship wasn't exactly a secret, so at least he didn't have to worry about hiding that on top of everything else.

It was a small silver lining, but not enough to make up for the horrible feeling of everyone exclaiming over what a beautiful girl he was. It was a twisted sort of irony that the very appearance that garnered the most compliments was the very one he wanted nothing to do with. He had never been so relieved as when Diane finally declared that the day was a success, and they needed to wrap up so that she could catch a plane to an event showcasing D's new fall line.

As soon as he was safely home, Kohinata went straight to his room and cried over the body he wanted but couldn't have. When the tears finally ended, he took a long shower, carefully avoiding looking at any part of him that reminded him of the wrongness, but scrubbing the rest of it aggressively until he had removed every lingering trace of the touch of the dress and makeup on his skin. By the time he finished, his skin was red, and it was time for him to go to Heath's. The advantage of Diane being away was that they had the house to themselves. Not that she cared when she was home either, but Hozumi always felt better when he didn't have to worry about someone surprising him.

The door opened as soon as Kohinata rang the doorbell, and Heath looked much like Kohinata imagined he had a few hours earlier. "You came," Heath said, sounding surprised and relieved for reasons Kohinata didn't understand. He closed the door behind Kohinata and barely gave him a chance to take off his shoes before dragging him to his bedroom.

"I'm so sorry," Heath said shakily as soon as they flopped on his floor. He rested his cheek on the top of Kohinata's head and pulled him in even closer. "I had no idea what Diane was planning, or I would have stopped her. I should have said something."

Kohinata let Heath hold him, but when he felt an unexpected dampness on the top of his head, he pulled back suddenly in surprise. "Heath-kun?" he asked as he ran his thumb across Heath's cheek to wipe away the tears that had fallen there.

"I'm sorry, Hozumi," Heath said, blinking hard as he tried to hold the rest of the tears at bay. "You've worked so hard to keep this quiet, and I just let my sister put it all at risk for the sake of a race. You must hate me right now."

"Not you. Never you," Kohinata said shakily, pulling Heath back to him. "You've done nothing but help keep my secret safe. The least I can do is help you with something you care about so much." Kohinata winced when his voice cracked. He could list the many things Heath-kun did for him, and he was sure there were still more he didn't know about, and he wanted to repay that kindness. It should even have been that big a deal, he tried to tell himself. After all, boys dressed like girls all the time, and vice versa, and that didn't mean the boys were suddenly girls or the girls were suddenly boys. Kohinata knew better than most that clothing choice didn't have to have anything to do with gender. But no matter how much he tried to reason with himself, in his case all it did was remind him of everything he hated about his body and everything he had tried to put behind him.

"No," Heath corrected, "anything I've done comes from loving you and from basic human decency. Neither of those should ever have an expectation of repayment. Never feel like you have to do anything for me. Please." Kohinata didn't trust himself to speak, so he just curled more closely into Heath's side.

"You're the boy I love," Heath-kun continued, "and no matter what anyone may have said today, I like you far more like this. These are the arms of the boyfriend I love, arms that let him fly over Gimmicks on the course. These are the shoulders of the boyfriend I love, shoulder that let him roll smoothly to make up time." Heath-kun's hands followed his words, his strong fingers slowly coaxing the tension out of Kohinata's tight muscles. Kohinata knew he was crying again, but he didn't try to fight it, letting the tears flow out after the tension. Somehow, Heath-kun seemed to know what he needed to hear before he knew it himself. By the time Heath-kun had made it all the way down to his calves, Hozumi felt truly relaxed for the first time in days, and he noticed that he wasn't the only one crying either. When Heath finished, they lay next to each other in a puddle on the floor, letting the last of the tears wash away the last traces of the day. Hozumi felt completely exhausted, but it was a peaceful exhaustion as opposed to the tense fatigue of earlier. Eventually the two of them managed to drag themselves out of their puddle on the floor and into Heath-kun's oversized bed where they immediately fell asleep.

By the time their race against Saisei rolled around, Kohinata had largely put the modeling fiasco behind him, but when they arrived at the event, and he saw himself on a massive billboard, it all threatened to come rushing back.

"No one will ever know that's you in women's clothes!" Riku announced loudly, oblivious as usual, and Kohinata wished the ground would open up and swallow him then and there. Normally, he would have been ecstatic to hear someone making such a distinction between him and a girl, but in that moment, with that context, all it did was make him want to disappear as he felt everyone nearby turn to look at him.

Of course, Riku couldn't be expected to understand, but to Kohinata there was nothing cute about it at all. He had worked so hard to keep everything secret, but all it would take would be for one person to start poking around or asking the wrong questions and his entire world could come crashing down around him. Sometimes he felt as if he were standing in the middle of a minefield. And Riku was currently running across it completely unaware of the danger.

He couldn't worry about that though. He had a race to focus on, and he couldn't let the team down. Everything else would have to wait until after the match. He took a deep breath. He could do this. He was Kohinata Hozumi. He was a second-year member of the Hōnan Stride Club. And he wasn't a girl.

When Heath-kun surreptitiously squeezed his hand before the race, he was finally able to look him in the eye and smile. He could do this. He'd run the best course anyone had ever seen, and he'd make sure everyone was so focused on him that they didn't even notice the billboards.

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and feedback are welcome and appreciated.


End file.
